The Book of Humorous Verse, by Various, Edited by Carolyn Wells

 

THE BOOK OF
HUMOROUS VERSE

Compiled by
CAROLYN WELLS
Author of "Such Nonsense,"
"The Whimsey Anthology,"
etc., etc.







NEW YORK
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY
[Pg iv]


PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

CONTENTS

I: BANTER       

The Played-Out Humorist    W. S. Gilbert    25
The Practical Joker    W. S. Gilbert    26
To Phœbe    W. S. Gilbert    28
Malbrouck    Father Prout    29
Mark Twain: A Pipe Dream    Oliver Herford    30
From a Full Heart    A. A. Milne    31
The Ultimate Joy    Unknown    32
Old Fashioned Fun    W. M. Thackeray    33
When Moonlike Ore the Hazure Seas    W. M. Thackeray    34
When the Frost is on the Punkin    James Whitcomb Riley    34
Two Men    Edwin Arlington Robinson    35
A Familiar Letter to Several Correspondents    Oliver Wendell Holmes    36
The Height of the Ridiculous    Oliver Wendell Holmes    38
Shake, Mulleary and Go-ethe    H. C. Bunner    40
A Rondelay    Peter A. Motteux    41
Winter Dusk    R. K. Munkittrick    42
Comic Miseries    John G. Saxe    42
Early Rising    John G. Saxe    44
To the Pliocene Skull    Bret Harte    46
Ode to Work in Springtime    Thomas R. Ybarra    47
Old Stuff    Bert Leston Taylor    48
To Minerva    Thomas Hood    49
The Legend of Heinz Von Stein    Charles Godfrey Leland    49
The Truth About Horace    Eugene Field    50
Propinquity Needed    Charles Battell Loomis    51
In the Catacombs    Harlan Hoge Ballard    52
Our Native Birds    Nathan Haskell Dole    53
The Prayer of Cyrus Brown    Sam Walter Foss    54
Erring in Company    Franklin P. Adams    55
Cupid    William Blake    56
If We Didn't Have to Eat    Nixon Waterman    57
To My Empty Purse    Geoffrey Chaucer    58
The Birth of Saint Patrick    Samuel Lover    58
Her Little Feet    William Ernest Henley    59
School    James Kenneth Stephen    60
The Millennium    James Kenneth Stephen    60
"Exactly So"    Lady T. Hastings    61
Companions    Charles Stuart Calverley    63
The Schoolmaster    Charles Stuart Calverley    64
A Appeal for Are to the Sextant of the old Brick Meetinouse    Arabella Willson    66
Cupid's Darts    Unknown    67
A Plea for Trigamy    Owen Seaman    68
The Pope    Charles Lever    70
All at Sea    Frederick Moxon    70
Ballad of the Primitive Jest    Andrew Lang    72
Villanelle of Things Amusing    Gelett Burgess    73
How to Eat Watermelons    Frank Libby Stanton    73
A Vague Story    Walter Parke    74
His Mother-in-Law    Walter Parke    75
On a Deaf Housekeeper    Unknown    76    [Pg xi]
Homœopathic Soup    Unknown    76
Some Little Bug    Roy Atwell    77
On the Downtown Side of an Uptown Street    William Johnston    79
Written After Swimming from Sestos to Abydos    Lord Byron    80
The Fisherman's Chant    F. C. Burnand    81
Report of an Adjudged Case    William Cowper    82
Prehistoric Smith    David Law Proudfit    83
Song    George Canning    84
Lying    Thomas Moore    86
Strictly Germ-Proof    Arthur Guiterman    87
The Lay of the Lover's Friend    William B. Aytoun    88
Man's Place in Nature    Unknown    89
The New Version    W. J. Lampton    90
Amazing Facts About Food    Unknown    91
Transcendentalism    Unknown    92
A "Caudal" Lecture    William Sawyer    92
Salad    Sydney Smith    93
Nemesis    J. W. Foley    94
"Mona Lisa"    John Kendrick Bangs    95
The Siege of Djklxprwbz    Eugene Fitch Ware    96
Rural Bliss    Anthony C. Deane    97
An Old Bachelor    Tudor Jenks    98
Song    J. R. Planché    99
The Quest of the Purple Cow    Hilda Johnson    100
St. Patrick of Ireland, My Dear!    William Maginn    101
The Irish Schoolmaster    James A. Sidey    103
Reflections on Cleopathera's Needle    Cormac O'Leary    105
The Origin of Ireland    Unknown    106
As to the Weather    Unknown    107
The Twins    Henry S. Leigh    108
II: THE ETERNAL FEMININE
He and She    Eugene Fitch Ware    109
The Kiss    Tom Masson    109
The Courtin'    James Russell Lowell    110
Hiram Hover    Bayard Taylor    113
Blow Me Eyes!    Wallace Irwin    115
First Love    Charles Stuart Calverley    116
What Is a Woman Like?    Unknown    118
Mis' Smith    Albert Bigelow Paine    119
Triolet    Paul T. Gilbert    120
Bessie Brown, M.D.    Samuel Minturn Peck    120
A Sketch from the Life    Arthur Guiterman    121
Minguillo's Kiss    Unknown    122
A Kiss in the Rain    Samuel Minturn Peck    123
The Love-Knot    Nora Perry    124
Over the Way    Mary Mapes Dodge    125
Chorus of Women    Aristophanes    126
The Widow Malone    Charles Lever    126
The Smack in School    William Pitt Palmer    128
'Späcially Jim    Bessie Morgan    129
Kitty of Coleraine    Edward Lysaght    130
Why Don't the Men Propose?    Thomas Haynes Bayly    130
A Pin    Ella Wheeler Wilcox    132
The Whistler    Unknown    133
The Cloud    Oliver Herford    134
Constancy    John Boyle O'Reilly    137
Ain't it Awful, Mabel?    John Edward Hazzard    137
Wing Tee Wee    J. P. Denison    139    [Pg xii]
Phyllis Lee    Oliver Herford    139
The Sorrows of Werther    W. M. Thackeray    140
The Unattainable    Harry Romaine    141
Rory O'More; or, Good Omens    Samuel Lover    141
A Dialogue from Plato    Austin Dobson    142
Dora Versus Rose    Austin Dobson    144
Tu Quoque    Austin Dobson    146
Nothing to Wear    William Allen Butler    148
My Mistress's Boots    Frederick Locker-Lampson    153
Mrs. Smith    Frederick Locker-Lampson    155
A Terrible Infant    Frederick Locker-Lampson    156
Susan    Frederick Locker-Lampson    157
"I Didn't Like Him"    Harry B. Smith    157
My Angeline    Harry B. Smith    158
Nora's Vow    Sir Walter Scott    159
Husband and Heathen    Sam Walter Foss    160
The Lost Pleiad    Arthur Reed Ropes    161
The New Church Organ    Will Carleton    162
Larrie O'Dee    William W. Fink    165
No Fault in Women    Robert Herrick    166
A Cosmopolitan Woman    Unknown    167
Courting in Kentucky    Florence E. Pratt    168
Any One Will Do    Unknown    169
A Bird in the Hand    Frederic E. Weatherly    170
The Belle of the Ball    Winthrop Mackworth Praed    171
The Retort    George Pope Morris    174
Behave Yoursel' Before Folk    Alexander Rodger    174
The Chronicle: A Ballad    Abraham Cowley    176
Buxom Joan    William Congreve    179
Oh, My Geraldine    F. C. Burnand    180
The Parterre    E. H. Palmer    180
How to Ask and Have    Samuel Lover    181
Sally in Our Alley    Henry Carey    182
False Love and True Logic    Laman Blanchard    183
Pet's Punishment    J. Ashby-Sterry    184
Ad Chloen, M.A.    Mortimer Collins    184
Chloe, M.A.    Mortimer Collins    185
The Fair Millinger    Fred W. Loring    186
Two Fishers    Unknown    188
Maud    Henry S. Leigh    188
Are Women Fair?    Francis Davison    189
The Plaidie    Charles Sibley    190
Feminine Arithmetic    Charles Graham Halpine    191
Lord Guy    George F. Warren    191
Sary "Fixes Up" Things    Albert Bigelow Paine    192
The Constant Cannibal Maiden    Wallace Irwin    194
Widow Bedott to Elder Sniffles    Frances M. Whitcher    195
Under the Mistletoe    George Francis Shults    196
The Broken Pitcher    William E. Aytoun    196
Gifts Returned    Walter Savage Landor    198
III: LOVE AND COURTSHIP
Noureddin, the Son of the Shah    Clinton Scollard    199
The Usual Way    Frederic E. Weatherly    200
The Way to Arcady    H. C. Bunner    201
My Love and My Heart    Henry S. Leigh    204
Quite by Chance    Frederick Langbridge    205
The Nun    Leigh Hunt    206
The Chemist to His Love    Unknown    206
Categorical Courtship    Unknown    207
Lanty Leary    Samuel Lover    208    [Pg xiii]
The Secret Combination    Ellis Parker Butler    209
Forty Years After    H. H. Porter    210
Cupid    Ben Jonson    211
Paring-Time Anticipated    William Cowper    212
Why    H. P. Stevens    214
The Sabine Farmer's Serenade    Father Prout    214
I Hae Laid a Herring in Saut    James Tytler    216
The Clown's Courtship    Unknown    217
Out Upon It    Sir John Suckling    218
Love is Like a Dizziness    James Hogg    218
The Kitchen Clock    John Vance Cheney    220
Lady Mine    H. E. Clarke    221
Ballade of the Golfer in Love    Clinton Scollard    222
Ballade of Forgotten Loves    Arthur Grissom    223
IV: SATIRE
A Ballade of Suicide    G. K. Chesterton    224
Finnigan to Flannigan    S. W. Gillinan    225
Study of an Elevation in Indian Ink    Rudyard Kipling    226
The V-a-s-e    James Jeffrey Roche    227
Miniver Cheevy    Edwin Arlington Robinson    229
The Recruit    Robert W. Chambers    230
Officer Brady    Robert W. Chambers    232
Post-Impressionism    Bert Leston Taylor    235
To the Portrait of "A Gentleman"    Oliver Wendell Holmes    236
Cacoethes Scribendi    Oliver Wendell Holmes    238
Contentment    Oliver Wendell Holmes    238
A Boston Lullaby    James Jeffrey Roche    240
A Grain of Salt    Wallace Irwin    241
Song    Richard Lovelace    241
A Philosopher    Sam Walter Foss    242
The Meeting of the Clabberhuses    Sam Walter Foss    244
The Ideal Husband to His Wife    Sam Walter Foss    246
Distichs    John Hay    247
The Hen-roost Man    Ruth McEnery Stuart    247
If They Meant All They Say    Alice Duer Miller    247
The Man    Stephen Crane    248
A Thought    James Kenneth Stephen    248
The Musical Ass    Tomaso de Yriarte    249
The Knife-Grinder    George Canning    249
St. Anthony's Sermon to the Fishes    Abraham á Sancta-Clara    251
The Battle of Blenheim    Robert Southey    252
The Three Black Crows    John Byrom    254
To the Terrestrial Globe    W. S. Gilbert    256
Etiquette    W. S. Gilbert    256
A Modest Wit    Selleck Osborn    260
The Latest Decalogue    Arthur Hugh Clough    261
A Simile    Matthew Prior    262
By Parcels Post    George R. Sims    262
All's Well That Ends Well    Unknown    264
The Contrast    Captain C. Morris    265
The Devonshire Lane    John Marriott    266
A Splendid Fellow    H. C. Dodge    267
If    H. C. Dodge    268
Accepted and Will Appear    Parmenas Mix    268
The Little Vagabond    William Blake    269
Sympathy    Reginald Heber    270
The Religion of Hudibras    Samuel Butler    271
Holy Willie's Prayer    Robert Burns    272
The Learned Negro    Unknown    274
True to Poll    F. C. Burnand    275    [Pg xiv]
Trust in Women    Unknown    276
The Literary Lady    Richard Brinsley Sheridan    278
Twelve Articles    Dean Swift    279
All-Saints    Edmund Yates    280
How to Make a Man of Consequence    Mark Lemon    280
On a Magazine Sonnet    Russell Hilliard Loines    281
Paradise    George Birdseye    281
The Friar of Orders Gray    John O'Keefe    282
Of a Certain Man    Sir John Harrington    282
Clean Clara    W. B. Rands    283
Christmas Chimes    Unknown    284
The Ruling Passion    Alexander Pope    285
The Pope and the Net    Robert Browning    286
The Actor    John Wolcot    287
The Lost Spectacles    Unknown    287
That Texan Cattle Man    Joaquin Miller    288
Fable    Ralph Waldo Emerson    290
Hoch! Der Kaiser    Rodney Blake    291
What Mr. Robinson Thinks    James Russell Lowell    292
The Candidate's Creed    James Russell Lowell    294
The Razor Seller    John Wolcot    297
The Devil's Walk on Earth    Robert Southey    298
Father Molloy    Samuel Lover    307
The Owl-Critic    James Thomas Fields    309
What Will We Do?    Robert J. Burdette    311
Life in Laconics    Mary Mapes Dodge    311
On Knowing When to Stop    L. J. Bridgman    312
Rev. Gabe Tucker's Remarks    Unknown    312
Thursday    Frederic E. Weatherly    313
Sky-Making    Mortimer Collins    314
The Positivists    Mortimer Collins    315
Martial in London    Mortimer Collins    316
The Splendid Shilling    John Philips    316
After Horace    A. D. Godley    320
Of a Precise Tailor    Sir John Harrington    322
Money    Jehan du Pontalais    323
Boston Nursery Rhymes    Rev. Joseph Cook    324
Kentucky Philosophy    Harrison Robertson    325
John Grumlie    Allan Cunningham    326
A Song of Impossibilities    Winthrop Mackworth Praed    327
Song    John Donne    330
The Oubit    Charles Kingsley    330
Double Ballade of Primitive Man    Andrew Lang    331
Phillis's Age    Matthew Prior    332
V: CYNICISM
Good and Bad Luck    John Hay    334
Bangkolidye    Barry Pain    334
Pensées De Noël    A. D. Godley    336
A Ballade of an Anti-Puritan    G. K. Chesterton    337
Pessimism    Newton Mackintosh    338
Cynical Ode to an Ultra-Cynical Public    Charles Mackay    339
Youth and Art    Robert Browning    339
The Bachelor's Dream    Thomas Hood    342
All Things Except Myself I Know    Francois Villon    343
The Joys of Marriage    Charles Cotton    344
The Third Proposition    Madeline Bridges    345
The Ballad of Cassandra Brown    Helen Gray Cone    345
What's in a Name?    R. K. Munkittrick    347
Too Late    Fits Hugh Ludlow    348    [Pg xv]
The Annuity    George Outram    350
K. K.—Can't Calculate    Frances M. Whitcher    353
Northern Farmer    Lord Tennyson    354
Fin de Siècle    Unknown    357
Then Ag'in    Sam Walter Foss    357
The Pessimist    Ben King    358
Without and Within    James Russell Lowell    359
Same Old Story    Harry B. Smith    360
VI: EPIGRAMS
Woman's Will    John G. Saxe    362
Cynicus to W. Shakespeare    James Kenneth Stephen    362
Senex to Matt. Prior    James Kenneth Stephen    362
To a Blockhead    Alexander Pope    362
The Fool and the Poet    Alexander Pope    363
A Rhymester    Samuel Taylor Coleridge    363
Giles's Hope    Samuel Taylor Coleridge    363
Cologne    Samuel Taylor Coleridge    363
An Eternal Poem    Samuel Taylor Coleridge    364
On a Bad Singer    Samuel Taylor Coleridge    364
Job    Samuel Taylor Coleridge    364
Reasons for Drinking    Dr. Henry Aldrich    364
Smatterers    Samuel Butler    365
Hypocrisy    Samuel Butler    365
To Doctor Empiric    Ben Jonson    365
A Remedy Worse than the Disease    Matthew Prior    365
A Wife    Richard Brinsley Sheridan    366
The Honey-Moon    Walter Savage Landor    366
Dido    Richard Porson    366
An Epitaph    George John Cayley    366
On Taking a Wife    Thomas Moore    367
Upon Being Obliged to Leave a Pleasant Party    Thomas Moore    367
Some Ladies    Frederick Locker-Lampson    367
On a Sense of Humor    Frederick Locker-Lampson    367
On Hearing a Lady Praise a Certain Rev. Doctor's Eyes    George Outram    368
Epitaph Intended for His Wife    John Dryden    368
To a Capricious Friend    Joseph Addison    368
Which is Which    John Byrom    368
On a Full-Length Portrait of Beau Marsh    Lord Chesterfield    369
On Scotland    Cleveland    369
Mendax    Lessing    369
To a Slow Walker and Quick Eater    Lessing    369
What's My Thought Like?    Thomas Moore    370
Of All the Men    Thomas Moore    370
On Butler's Monument    Rev. Samuel Wesley    370
A Conjugal Conundrum    Unknown    371
VII: BURLESQUE
Lovers and a Reflection    Charles Stuart Calverley    372
Our Hymn    Oliver Wendell Holmes    374
"Soldier, Rest!"    Robert J. Burdette    374
Imitation    Anthony C. Deane    375
The Mighty Must    W. S. Gilbert    376
Midsummer Madness    Unknown    377
Mavrone    Arthur Guiterman    378    [Pg xvi]
Lilies    Don Marquis    379
For I am Sad    Don Marquis    379
A Little Swirl of Vers Libre    Thomas R. Ybarra    380
Young Lochinvar    Unknown    381
Imagiste Love Lines    Unknown    383
Bygones    Bert Lesion Taylor    383
Justice to Scotland    Unknown    384
Lament of the Scotch-Irish Exile    James Jeffrey Roche    385
A Song of Sorrow    Charles Battell Loomis    386
The Rejected "National Hymns"    Robert H. Newell    387
The Editor's Wooing    Robert H. Newell    389
The Baby's Debut    James Smith    390
The Cantelope    Bayard Taylor    393
Never Forget Your Parents    Franklin P. Adams    394
A Girl was Too Reckless of Grammar    Guy Wetmore Carryl    395
Behold the Deeds!    H. C. Bunner    397
Villon's Straight Tip to All Cross Coves    William Ernest Henley    399
Culture in the Slums    William Ernest Henley    400
The Lawyer's Invocation to Spring    Henry Howard Brownell    402
North, East, South, and West    Unknown    403
Martin Luther at Potsdam    Barry Pain    404
An Idyll of Phatte and Leene    Unknown    406
The House that Jack Built    Samuel Taylor Coleridge    407
Palabras Grandiosas    Bayard Taylor    407
A Love Playnt    Godfrey Turner    408
Darwinity    Herman C. Merivale    409
Select Passages from a Coming Poet    F. Anstey    410
The Romaunt of Humpty Dumpty    Henry S. Leigh    411
The Wedding    Thomas Hood, Jr.    412
In Memoriam Technicam    Thomas Hood, Jr.    413
"Songs Without Words"    Robert J. Burdette    413
At the Sign of the Cock    Owen Seaman    414
Presto Furioso    Owen Seaman    417
To Julia in Shooting Togs    Owen Seaman    418
Farewell    Bert Leston Taylor    419
Here is the Tale    Anthony C. Deane    421
The Willows    Bret Harte    423
A Ballad    Guy Wetmore Carryl    426
The Translated Way    Franklin P. Adams    427
Commonplaces    Rudyard Kipling    427
Angelo Orders His Dinner    Bayard Taylor    428
The Promissory Note    Bayard Taylor    429
Camerados    Bayard Taylor    430
The Last Ride Together    James Kenneth Stephen    431
Imitation of Walt Whitman    Unknown    434
Salad    Mortimer Collins    436
If    Mortimer Collins    436
The Jabberwocky of Authors    Harry Persons Taber    437
The Town of Nice    Herman C. Merivale    438
The Willow-Tree    W. M. Thackeray    439
A Ballade of Ballade-Mongers    Augustus M. Moore    441
VIII: BATHOS
The Confession    Richard Harris Barham
["Thomas Ingoldsby"]    443
If You Have Seen    Thomas Moore    444
Circumstance    Frederick Locker-Lampson    444
Elegy    Arthur Guiterman    445    [Pg xvii]
Our Traveler    H. Cholmondeley-Pennell    445
Optimism    Newton Mackintosh    445
The Declaration    N. P. Willis    446
He Came to Pay    Parmenas Mix    447
The Forlorn One    Richard Harris Barham
["Thomas Ingoldsby"]    449
Rural Raptures    Unknown    450
A Fragment    Unknown    450
The Bitter Bit    William E. Aytoun    451
Comfort in Affliction    William E. Aytoun    453
The Husband's Petition    William E. Aytoun    454
Lines Written After a Battle    Unknown    456
Lines    Unknown    456
The Imaginative Crisis    Unknown    457
IX: PARODY
The Higher Pantheism in a Nut-Shell    Algernon Charles Swinburne    458
Nephelidia    Algernon Charles Swinburne    459
Up the Spout    Algernon Charles Swinburne    460
In Memoriam    Cuthbert Bede    463
Lucy Lake    Newton Mackintosh    463
The Cock and the Bull    Charles Stuart Calverley    464
Ballad    Charles Stuart Calverley    467
Disaster    Charles Stuart Calverley    469
Wordsworthian Reminiscence    Unknown    470
Inspect Us    Edith Daniell    471
The Messed Damozel    Charles Hanson Towne    471
A Melton Mowbray Pork-Pie    Richard le Gallienne    472
Israfiddlestrings    Unknown    472
After Dilettante Concetti    H. D. Traill    474
Whenceness of the Which    Unknown    476
The Little Star    Unknown    476
The Original Lamb    Unknown    477
Sainte Margérie    Unknown    477
Robert Frost    Louis Untermeyer    479
Owen Seaman    Louis Untermeyer    480
The Modern Hiawatha    Unknown    482
Somewhere-in-Europe-Wocky    F. G. Hartswick    482
Rigid Body Sings    J. C. Maxwell    483
A Ballad of High Endeavor    Unknown    484
Father William    Lewis Carroll    485
The Poets at Tea    Barry Pain    486
How Often    Ben King    489
If I Should Die To-Night    Ben King    489
"The Day is Done"    Phoebe Cary    490
Jacob    Phoebe Cary    491
Ballad of the Canal    Phoebe Cary    492
"There's a Bower of Beanvines"    Phoebe Cary    493
Reuben    Phoebe Cary    493
The Wife    Phoebe Cary    494
When Lovely Woman    Phoebe Cary    494
John Thomson's Daughter    Phoebe Cary    494
A Portrait    John Keats    496
Annabel Lee    Stanley Huntley    497
Home Sweet Home with Variations    H. C. Bunner    498
An Old Song by New Singers    A. C. Wilkie    506
More Impressions    Oscuro Wildgoose    509
Nursery Rhymes á la Mode    Unknown    509
A Maudle-In Ballad    Unknown    510    [Pg xviii]
Gillian    Unknown    511
Extracts from the Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne    Gelett Burgess    512
Diversions of the Re-Echo Club    Carolyn Wells    515
Styx River Anthology    Carolyn Wells    521
Answer to Master Wither's Song, "Shall I, Wasting in Despair?"    Ben Jonson    526
Song of the Springtide    Unknown    527
The Village Choir    Unknown    528
My Foe    Unknown    529
Nursery Song in Pidgin English    Unknown    530
Father William    Unknown    531
A Poe-'em of Passion    C. F. Lummis    532
How the Daughters Come Down at Dunoon    H. Cholmondeley-Pennell    533
To an Importunate Host    Unknown    534
Cremation    William Sawyer    534
An Imitation of Wordsworth    Catharine M. Fanshawe    535
The Lay of the Love-Lorn    Aytoun and Martin    537
Only Seven    Henry S. Leigh    543
'Twas Ever Thus    Henry S. Leigh    544
Foam and Fangs    Walter Parke    544
X: NARRATIVE
Little Billee    W. M. Thackeray    546
The Crystal Palace    W. M. Thackeray    547
The Wofle New Ballad of Jane Roney and Mary Brown    W. M. Thackeray    552
King John and the Abbot    Unknown    554
On the Death of a Favorite Cat    Thomas Gray    557
Misadventures at Margate    Richard Harris Barham
["Thomas Ingoldsby"]    558
The Gouty Merchant and the Stranger    Horace Smith    563
The Diverting History of John Gilpin    William Cowper    564
Paddy O'Rafther    Samuel Lover    571
Here She Goes and There She Goes    James Nack    572
The Quaker's Meeting    Samuel Lover    576
The Jester Condemned to Death    Horace Smith    578
The Deacon's Masterpiece    Oliver Wendell Holmes    580
The Ballad of the Oysterman    Oliver Wendell Holmes    583
The Well of St. Keyne    Robert Southey    584
The Jackdaw of Rheims    Richard Harris Barham
["Thomas Ingoldsby"]    586
The Knight and the Lady    Richard Harris Barham
["Thomas Ingoldsby"]    590
An Eastern Question    H. M. Paull    598
My Aunt's Spectre    Mortimer Collins    600
Casey at the Bat    Ernest Lawrence Thayer    601
The Pied Piper of Hamelin    Robert Browning    603
The Goose    Lord Tennyson    611
The Ballad of Charity    Charles Godfrey Leland    613
The Post Captain    Charles E. Carryl    615
Robinson Crusoe's Story    Charles E. Carryl    617
Ben Bluff    Thomas Hood    619
The Pilgrims and the Peas    John Wolcot    621
Tam O'Shanter    Robert Burns    623
That Gentleman from Boston Town    Joaquin Miller    629
The Yarn of the "Nancy Bell"    W. S. Gilbert    632    [Pg xix]
Ferdinando and Elvira    W. S. Gilbert    635
Gentle Alice Brown    W. S. Gilbert    639
The Story of Prince Agib    W. S. Gilbert    641
Sir Guy the Crusader    W. S. Gilbert    644
Kitty Wants to Write    Gelett Burgess    646
Dighton is Engaged    Gelett Burgess    647
Plain Language from Truthful James    Bret Harte    648
The Society Upon the Stanisalaus    Bret Harte    650
"Jim"    Bret Harte    652
William Brown of Oregon    Joaquin Miller    653
Little Breeches    John Hay    657
The Enchanted Shirt    John Hay    658
Jim Bludso    John Hay    661
Wreck of the "Julie Plante"    William Henry Drummond    662
The Alarmed Skipper    James T. Fields    664
The Elderly Gentleman    George Canning    665
Saying Not Meaning    William Basil Wake    666
Hans Breitmann's Party    Charles Godfrey Leland    668
Ballad by Hans Breitmann    Charles Godfrey Leland    669
Grampy Sings a Song    Holman F. Day    670
The First Banjo    Irwin Russell    672
The Romance of the Carpet    Robert J. Burdette    674
Hunting of the Snark, The    Lewis Carroll    676
The Old Man and Jim    James Whitcomb Riley    678
A Sailor's Yarn    James Jeffrey Roche    680
The Converted Cannibals    G. E. Farrow    683
The Retired Pork-Butcher and the Spook    G. E. Farrow    685
Skipper Ireson's Ride    John Greenleaf Whittier    688
Darius Green and His Flying-Machine    John Townsend Trowbridge    690
A Great Fight    Robert H. Newell    697
The Donnybrook Jig    Viscount Dillon    700
Unfortunate Miss Bailey    Unknown    702
The Laird o' Cockpen    Lady Nairne    703
A Wedding    Sir John Suckling    704
XI: TRIBUTE
The Ahkond of Swat    Edward Lear    708
The Ahkoond of Swat    George Thomas Lanigan    710
Dirge of the Moolla of Kotal    George Thomas Lanigan    712
The Ballad of Bouillabaisse    W. M. Thackeray    714
Ould Doctor Mack    Alfred Perceval Graves    717
Father O'Flynn    Alfred Perceval Graves    719
The Bald-headed Tyrant    Vandyne, Mary E.    720
Barney McGee    Richard Hovey    721
Address to the Toothache    Robert Burns    724
A Farewell to Tobacco    Charles Lamb    726
John Barleycorn    Robert Burns    730
Stanzas to Pale Ale    Unknown    732
Ode to Tobacco    Charles Stuart Calverley    732
Sonnet to a Clam    John G. Saxe    734
To a Fly    John Wolcot    734
Ode to a Bobtailed Cat    Unknown    737
XII: WHIMSEY
An Elegy    Oliver Goldsmith    740
Parson Gray    Oliver Goldsmith    741
The Irishman and the Lady    William Maginn    742    [Pg xx]
The Cataract of Lodore    Robert Southey    743
Lay of the Deserted Influenzaed    H. Cholmondeley-Pennell    746
Bellagcholly Days    Unknown    747
Rhyme of the Rail    John G. Saxe    748
Echo    John G. Saxe    750
Song    Joseph Addison    751
A Gentle Echo on Woman    Dean Swift    752
Lay of Ancient Rome    Thomas R. Ybarra    753
A New Song    John Gay    754
The American Traveller    Robert H. Newell    757
The Zealless Xylographer    Mary Mapes Dodge    759
The Old Line Fence    A. W. Bellaw    760
O-U-G-H    Charles Battell Loomis    761
Enigma on the Letter H    Catherine M. Fanshawe    762
Travesty of Miss Fanshawe's Enigma    Horace Mayhew    763
An Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog    Oliver Goldsmith    764
An Epitaph    Matthew Prior    765
Old Grimes    Albert Gorton Greene    766
The Endless Song    Ruth McEnery Stuart    768
The Hundred Best Books    Mostyn T. Pigott    769
The Cosmic Egg    Unknown    771
Five Wines    Robert Herrick    772
A Rhyme for Musicians    E. Lemke    772
My Madeline    Walter Parke    773
Susan Simpson    Unknown    774
The March to Moscow    Robert Southey    775
Half Hours with the Classics    H. J. DeBurgh    779
On the Oxford Carrier    John Milton    780
Ninety-Nine in the Shade    Rossiter Johnson    781
The Triolet    William Ernest Henley    782
The Rondeau    Austin Dobson    782
Life    Unknown    783
Ode to the Human Heart    Laman Blanchard    784
A Strike Among the Poets    Unknown    785
Whatever Is, Is Right    Laman Blanchard    786
Nothing    Richard Porson    786
Dirge    Unknown    787
O D V    Unknown    788
A Man of Words    Unknown    790
Similes    Unknown    791
No!    Thomas Hood    792
Faithless Sally Brown    Thomas Hood    792
Tim Turpin    Thomas Hood    795
Faithless Nelly Gray    Thomas Hood    797
Sally Simpkin's Lament    Thomas Hood    800
Death's Ramble    Thomas Hood    801
Panegyric on the Ladies    Unknown    803
Ambiguous Lines    Unknown    804
Surnames    James Smith    804
A Ternary of Littles, Upon a Pipkin of Jelly Sent to a Lady    Robert Herrick    806
A Carman's Account of a Law Suit    Sir David Lindesay    807
Out of Sight, Out of Mind    Barnaby Googe    807
Nongtongpaw    Charles Dibdin    808
Logical English    Unknown    809
Logic    Unknown    809
The Careful Penman    Unknown    810
Questions with Answers    Unknown    810
Conjugal Conjugations    A. W. Bellaw    810
Love's Moods and Senses    Unknown    812
The Siege of Belgrade    Unknown    813    [Pg xxi]
The Happy Man    Gilles Ménage    814
The Bells    Unknown    816
Takings    Thomas Hood, Jr.    817
A Bachelor's Mono-Rhyme    Charles Mackay    817
The Art of Bookkeeping    Laman Blanchard    818
An Invitation to the Zoological Gardens    Unknown    822
A Nocturnal Sketch    Thomas Hood    823
Lovelilts    Marion Hill    824
Jocosa Lyra    Austin Dobson    824
To a Thesaurus    Franklin P. Adams    825
The Future of the Classics    Unknown    826
Cautionary Verses    Theodore Hook    828
The War: A-Z    John R. Edwards    829
Lines to Miss Florence Huntingdon    Unknown    830
To My Nose    Alfred A. Forrester    832
A Polka Lyric    Barclay Philips    832
A Catalectic Monody    Unknown    833
Ode for a Social Meeting    Oliver Wendell Holmes    833
The Jovial Priest's Confession    Leigh Hunt    834
Limericks    Carolyn Wells    835
XIII: NONSENSE
Lunar Stanzas    Henry Coggswell Knight    841
The Whango Tree    Unknown    842
Three Children    Unknown    843
'Tis Midnight    Unknown    843
Cossimbazar    Henry S. Leigh    843
An Unexpected Fact    Edward Cannon    844
The Cumberbunce    Paul West    844
Mr. Finney's Turnip    Unknown    847
Nonsense Verses    Charles Lamb    848
Like to the Thundering Tone    Bishop Corbet    848
Aestivation    Oliver Wendell Holmes    849
Uncle Simon and Uncle Jim    Charles Farrar Browne
["Artemus Ward"]    849
A Tragic Story    W. M. Thackeray    850
Sonnet Found in a Deserted Mad House    Unknown    851
The Jim-Jam King of the Jou-Jous    Alaric Bertrand Stuart    851
To Marie    John Bennett    852
My Dream    Unknown    853
The Rollicking Mastodon    Arthur Macy    853
The Invisible Bridge    Gelett Burgess    855
The Lazy Roof    Gelett Burgess    855
My Feet    Gelett Burgess    855
Spirk Troll-Derisive    James Whitcomb Riley    855
The Man in the Moon    James Whitcomb Riley    856
The Lugubrious Whing-Whang    James Whitcomb Riley    858
The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo    Edward Lear    859
The Jumbles    Edward Lear    862
The Pobble Who Has no Toes    Edward Lear    865
The New Vestments    Edward Lear    866
The Two Old Bachelors    Edward Lear    868
Jabberwocky    Lewis Carroll    869
Ways and Means    Lewis Carroll    870
Humpty Dumpty's Recitation    Lewis Carroll    872
Some Hallucinations    Lewis Carroll    874
Sing for the Garish Eye    W. S. Gilbert    875
The Shipwreck    E. H. Palmer    876    [Pg xxii]
Uffia    Harriet R. White    877
'Tis Sweet to Roam    Unknown    878
Three Jovial Huntsmen    Unknown    878
King Arthur    Unknown    879
Hyder Iddle    Unknown     879

The Ocean Wanderer    Unknown    879
Scientific Proof    J. W. Foley    880
The Thingumbob    Unknown    882
Wonders of Nature    Unknown    882
Lines by an Old Fogy    Unknown    882
A Country Summer Pastoral    Unknown    883
Turvey Top    William Sawyer    884
A Ballad of Bedlam    Unknown    886

XIV: NATURAL HISTORY
The Fastidious Serpent    Henry Johnstone    887
The Legend of the First Cam-u-el    Arthur Guiterman    888
Unsatisfied Yearning    R. K. Munkittrick    889
Kindly Advice    Unknown    890
Kindness to Animals    J. Ashby-Sterry    891
To Be or Not To Be    Unknown    891
The Hen    Matthew Claudius    892
Of Baiting the Lion    Owen Seaman    893
The Flamingo    Lewis Gaylord Clark    894
Why Doth a Pussy Cat?    Burges Johnson    895
The Walrus and the Carpenter    Lewis Carroll    896
Nirvana    Unknown    900
The Catfish    Oliver Herford    900
War Relief    Oliver Herford    901
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat    Edward Lear    901
Mexican Serenade    Arthur Guiterman    902
Orphan Born    Robert J. Burdette    903
Divided Destinies    Rudyard Kipling    904
The Viper    Hilaire Belloc    906
The Llama    Hilaire Belloc    906
The Yak    Hilaire Belloc    906
The Frog    Hilaire Belloc    907
The Microbe    Hilaire Belloc    907
The Great Black Crow    Philip James Bailey    907
The Colubriad    William Cowper    909
The Retired Cat    William Cowper    910
A Darwinian Ballad    Unknown    913
The Pig    Robert Southey    914
A Fish Story    Henry A. Beers    916
The Cameronian Cat    Unknown    917
The Young Gazelle    Walter Parke    918
The Ballad of the Emeu    Bret Harte    921
The Turtle and Flamingo  James Thomas Fields    923

XV: JUNIORS
Prior to Miss Belle's Appearance    James Whitcomb Riley    925
There Was a Little Girl    Unknown    926
The Naughty Darkey Boy    Unknown    927
Dutch Lullaby    Eugene Field    928
The Dinkey-Bird    Eugene Field    929
The Little Peach    Eugene Field    931
Counsel to Those that Eat    Unknown    932
Home and Mother    Mary Mapes Dodge    932
Little Orphant Annie    James Whitcomb Riley    934    [Pg xxiii]
A Visit From St. Nicholas    Clement Clarke Moore    935
A Nursery Legend    Henry S. Leigh    937
A Little Goose    Eliza Sproat Turner    938
Leedle Yawcob Strauss    Charles Follen Adams    940
A Parental Ode to My Son, Aged Three Years and Five Months    Thomas Hood    941
Little Mamma    Charles Henry Webb    943
The Comical Girl    M. Pelham    946
Bunches of Grapes    Walter Ramal   947

XVI: IMMORTAL STANZAS
The Purple Cow    Gelett Burgess    948
The Young Lady of Niger    Unknown    948
The Laughing Willow    Oliver Herford    948
Said Opie Reed    Julian Street and James Montgomery Flagg    948
Manila    Eugene F. Ware    949
On the Aristocracy of Harvard    Dr. Samuel G. Bushnell    949
On the Democracy of Yale    Dean Jones    949
The Herring    Sir Walter Scott    949
If the Man    Samuel Johnson    949
The Kilkenny Cats    Unknown    950
Poor Dear Grandpapa    D'Arcy W. Thompson    950
More Walks    Richard Harris Barham
["Thomas Ingoldsby"]    950
Indifference    Unknown    950
Madame Sans Souci    Unknown    950
A Riddle    Unknown    951
If    Unknown    951
[Pg xxiv]

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